


And the impossible echo inside

by MercyBuckets



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Artemis-centric, Canon Character of Color, Canonical Character Death, Coming Out, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Human Trafficking, Male-Female Friendship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Endgame, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, self destructive behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-11 20:26:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17453720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercyBuckets/pseuds/MercyBuckets
Summary: Wally is dead. She isn’t. Dick is MIA— gone solo or gone rogue— no one knows. Kaldur is throwing himself into work and she is— she is laying in bed waiting for everything to stop.AKA my Artemis-centric (probably not canon compliant for long) take on the two year time skip between Endgame and Princes All.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm loath to start another WIP but I wanted to get this posted before canon had a chance to contradict it. 
> 
> Title is from the song Seeing Daylight

Artemis dreams of dying. Kaldur’s liquid knife piercing her stomach, bleeding out, Dick sobbing over her lifeless body, M’gann’s tears, Conner’s numb horror. It hurts but it’s better this way. She should be dead, not Wally— god, not him. She was already dead, her team mourned her, she could have stayed down there in her submarine tomb forever. At least it wouldn’t hurt like this.

But that isn’t how it happened. Six months later and Wally is dead. She isn’t. Dick is MIA— gone solo or gone rogue— no one knows. Kaldur is throwing himself into work and she is— she is laying in bed waiting for everything to stop.

“Artemis? Are you awake?”

She is now. She thinks about ignoring Roy but she knows he’ll just come in to check. “Yeah.”

“Get up, I need you to watch Lian. There’s a situation!”

A team situation, god she hopes no one else is dead. She couldn’t take it, Jason, Tula, W-Wally, no one else. Haven’t they suffered enough.

 _This is not a punishment_ she reminds herself. Her shrink would be proud. Of course, he’d probably be even prouder if she stopped skipping out on appointments.

“What is it?” she demands, not bothering to get dressed.

Roy doesn’t blink at her t-shirt and underwear. He’s wearing a black sleeveless base layer and body armor. “Meta-human traffickers. They’ve got hostages and they’re threatening to blow up Gotham General.”

“Fuck.” She rubs her eyes. “Why isn’t Batman on this? Since when do we— does the team cover Gotham?”

“He’s offworld with Clark and Ollie.” Roy pulls his bow out of the closet. “They need an archer.”

She can’t tell if that’s meant to be a dig at her or not. She decides to pretend it isn’t.

“I can watch Lian until 4 but then I have therapy.”

He raises an eyebrow as if he can tell that she hasn’t been going but he doesn’t say anything. “Paula said she can take her for the afternoon.”

Great, then she’ll have to talk to Mom. “Is there coffee?”

“In the pot,” Roy says stepping into his suit.

She wants to ask him about Jade who hasn’t been home in almost a month but she knows that this isn’t the time. He needs to be focused on coming back.

“Tell them I—” She can’t finish. She hasn’t seen the team or been back to base since the funeral. Tears prick her eyes and she can’t finish.

“Don’t get dramatic on me now, brat,” says Roy tugging her ponytail.

“Just be careful,” she says. “Come home.”

She sees the way his eyes soften and she hates it, but he nods curtly and says, “I will."

* * *

Artemis spends her ‘therapy’ session on the roof of the building she’s supposed to be in. She just can’t do it. Her therapist keeps on explaining things so reasonably and it makes her want to scream. Sometimes she misses Manta’s sub where she could do whatever she wanted. She imagines it. If she was still Tigress, she would hit the therapist in his smug face until he understood what pain really felt like. Maybe she really is like her father. At least up here, she won’t hit the poor idiot assigned to help her.

“I believe therapy is best done inside, with a therapist.”

She doesn’t even flinch. Her body knows that Kaldur is safe.

She ignores his comment. “The traffickers?”

He looks away. “Escaped with three children.”

“You are the reason it wasn’t more,” she says without looking up.

He sits down next to her. “I dreamed last night that my father killed you while I stood by and did nothing.”

She wants to tell him that she dreamed that he killed her. She wants to tell him she wishes that he had. She doesn’t. That’s not what it’s about anyway. “We did what we had to Kaldur. We prevented greater atrocities than we allowed.”

“I fear for you Artemis. Tula’s death broke me, left me adrift. I do not wish to stand by and watch you drift away.”

“I’m not going to jump Kal. I wouldn’t do that to you, or my mom.”

“But you don’t deny thinking of it?”

His measured tone sets her off. “Last night I dreamed you killed me for real and when I woke up, I cried because you didn’t.”

He stiffens but doesn’t move away. “You think your own death would hurt less than his?”

“I think I’d be dead and it wouldn’t be my problem!”

She stands, suddenly unable to remain seated.

“Grief has changed you, as it did me. You were not so selfish once,” he finally sounds mad.

“Look where that got me!”

“You did not lead Wally to his death. He made his own choice.”

She doesn’t think, just lashes out.

“Tigress, enough!”

He realizes his mistake as soon as he says it but, to his credit, he doesn’t backtrack.

“Fuck off Kaldur,” she hisses, suddenly exhausted. She pulls a grapple out of her purse.

Kaldur must see something in her face. “Please do not be careless with your life Artemis.”

“Tell Roy not to wait up,” she says and she steps backwards off the edge.

* * *

Beating the shit out of perverts on the streets is better than laying in bed waiting to die. Two weeks after her conversation with Kaldur, she’s been out patrolling every day. She can’t wear her uniforms— either of them— and she has to time it so that she won’t get any unexpected visitors but at least it’s a reason to get out of bed. If Roy suspects what she’s doing, he isn’t saying anything. More likely, he’s wrapped up in his own problems. Jade still hasn’t come home and two more meta kids went missing since the hospital attack.

She stalks down the alley, favoring her right foot. She twisted her ankle yesterday when she landed badly, but it isn’t that bad as long as she doesn’t put too much weight on it. Besides, she needs to get this guy before he hurts anyone else.

“You lost little girl?”

Speak of the devil. “Don’t call me that!”

He lunges for her and she punches him. It’s like hitting Conner. He doesn’t even step back. Fucking Gotham.

“You’ll have to do better than that if you want to best me.”

She dodges a hit. “Ugh, who writes your dialogue.”

He cackles and she risks a glimpse at his face. His pupils are dilated. Great, he’s probably on something.

“At least I don’t need to shoot up to take on girls half my size!” Why didn’t she bring her bow?

That wipes the smile off his face and and he lunges for her, furious. She hits his unprotected stomach with a roundhouse kick but she forgets her ankle.

“Ahh fuck!” She collapses, her body refusing to support her weight.

“I’m shaking in my boots, little girl.” He pulls out a gun and aims at her.

She spits a curse at him and forces herself up. Her ankle screams in protest but she’s not dying on the ground. “Can’t take me hand to hand?”

He cocks the gun. “Nice try, bitch.” 

 _Sorry Kal_ , she thinks. The team is going to take this hard but at least she’ll be with Wally again.

“Any last words?”

“Fuck you.”

She hears the gun fire, once, twice, three times and her vision goes bright blue. There’s pain, a sound like water roaring in her ears, and then nothing.

* * *

“-- believe you let her get shot!”

Roy is yelling. She can tell that much. She isn’t dead then. She feels a pang for Wally.

“There was no ‘letting’ involved.” That’s Kaldur. He sounds tired. “But it could have been much worse.”

Roy sighs. “I wish you didn’t look like shit. It’d be easier to be angry.”

“I think we both know that I am not the target of your anger,” Kaldur says.

“What happened?” her voice comes out as a croak.

“Artemis,” Kaldur’s voice is relieved.

“What the fuck were you thinking,” Roy’s is less so.

“I don’t—”

He cuts her off. “Cut the crap, Artemis! I’m talking about your death wish. You’re lucky Kal was following you.”

She turns to Kaldur, though the motion makes her dizzy. “You were following me?”

He meets her gaze, unrepentant. “I told you I would not watch idly as you drifted away.”

Roy scoffs. “If he hadn’t been there you’d be dead right now. He made a shield from nothing but the moisture in the air and you got away with a graze.”

She tries to determine where she’s hurt. She feels numb but there’s stiff bandages on her side and a cast holding her ankle immobile.

“So tell me what the fuck you were thinking, going out there with a broken ankle. I’ve been patient. Let you grieve in your own way but I won’t watch you commit suicide.”

“I was fine,” she snaps automatically.

“Give me a fucking break,” Roy sneers. “You think I don’t know a self-destructive guilt spiral when I see one?”

She laughs. It sounds bitter and unfamiliar in her own ears. “So what, you’re gonna help me get over it like you did? Play house? Newsflash, that’s not how this works Red!”

“You think I’m playing?” Roy is up in her face.

She channels Tigress. “I think you were naive to think you could have a white picket fence life. Why do you think Jade left?”

Roys face turns murderous and she almost expects him to hit her.

She doesn’t let up. “It doesn’t work that that. Not for us. You think you’re out, but it pulls you back in, and even when he tells you not to do it, you do it anyway and bye bye picket fence!”

“Artemis!”

She goes on as if Kaldur hadn’t spoken. “Because you love the rush, you need it, and it’s all fun and games until somebody _dies_!”

Roy puts a hand on the back of her neck and forces her to look at him. “Wally’s death is not your fault.”

She wants to spit in his face but instead she starts crying. “Yes it is! We were out. We had everything we wanted but I couldn’t give it up.”

Roy squeezes gently. “It’s not your fault.”

Kaldur kneels on her other side and places one cool webbed hand over her own. “You did not do this Artemis.”

She can’t stop crying. “I did. I did. I did.”

Kaldur hums a melody she recognizes from his memories and the tears come faster.

Roy is a steady presence beside her. His hand slides to her shoulder and he pulls her into a hug, more gentle than she's ever seen him, except with Lian. “It’s not your fault.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artemis goes back to school, eats some pancakes, and says thanks.

Artemis goes back to school on a Tuesday, under an assumed name. She almost throws up at the familiarity of it all. It’s comforting and awful in equal measure.

She hasn’t been officially resurrected yet. No bank account, no credit card, no real ID. But when she says that she wants to finish her degree, Roy frowns and says he’ll figure it out. She almost accuses him of needing a project— Jade came back and they had a screaming fight two days ago— but that would be mean and he’s been there for her when she needed him.

Two days later, Kaldur turns up at their door with a fake ID for someone named Tora and enrollment papers for Gotham State.

“Fuck no,” she says as soon as she sees it.

Roy sits down next to her. “It’s this or wait until the resurrection paperwork goes though, which could be months.”

“You do not have to do this,” Kaldur says. If anyone understands, it’s him. “It is an option, nothing more.”

“Batman can't expedite the whole thing? What about my credits?” She feels oddly defensive over the work she has already put into her degree, though she dropped it to go undercover the second Dick asked. God, she hates him right now.

Kaldur opens his mouth, then closes it. “He— we set it up so that your credits would be attached to you as a transfer student. They are identical to your true records.”

 _He_ , no question who that is. Enough time to fix her school records but not to come home and talk to her. She’s tempted to tell Kaldur to throw it all in Dick’s face. He deserves it.

She doesn’t.

She does send him a picture of her middle finger along with her student ID when she realizes that Tora means tiger in Japanese.

He doesn’t answer.

* * *

She finds a new therapist, a tall woman with warm brown skin and a crisp British accent. It’s not easy, but it’s easier. She finds herself rambling about her survivor’s guilt, her dark side, her family. At first, she goes three times a week. It’s a pain to take the bus with her foot in a boot brace but she sucks it up. It’s worth it.

By the time she gets the boot off, she’s going once a week, right after her Friday chemistry lecture. Kaldur meets her at the end, in civvies, to go to the diner and talk about nothing.

“You are healing well,” he says glaring at his tuna melt as if it personally offends him.

“I don’t think you can complain about the fish if you ordered it Kal,” she says. Her own meal of chocolate chip pancakes all but forgotten. “Yeah, my ankle is basically fine now. I haven’t been out again, if that’s what you’re asking.”

He hums and steals a bite of pancake off her plate. “I am sorry for breaking your trust. I spoke truthfully when I said that I feared for you.”

“I wasn’t exactly in a good place. I’m still not but— I mean it’s better.” She shoves her plate across to give him better access and goes on in Atlantean. “ _Don’t apologize. You saved my life. I should thank you_.”

“ _You hold my life in your heart_ ,” He replies. She’s pretty sure it’s an Atlantean proverb. “ _There are no debts between us_.”

This is all getting a little too serious for their Friday lunches. “Does that mean I can’t be mad at you for stealing my pancakes?”

“What are a few bits of pancake between friends?”

“Easy for you to say.” She frowns. “Not to get serious again, but have you spoken to Roy about my sister?”

“Her absence, I presume.”

His steady tone is meant as a comfort to her, she’s sure. “Roy won’t talk to me. Says he doesn’t want to put me in the middle.”

He peers at her critically. “Do you feel torn?”

“As if!” she scoffs. Roy gave her a place to stay when she needed it most. “I love Jade but she left, again. I know she cares in her own way but skipping out after a fight with nothing but a note is no way to treat Roy, or Lian.”

"Or you." Kaldur looks troubled. “He does not speak to me either. He says I have enough to deal with between the team and D—”

She’s sure the look on her face is what stopped him short. “Go on, you can say it. I know Dick has been talking to you.”

“It is not like that,” he says and she believes him. “He leaves us ‘gifts,’ tied-up criminals, tips, occasional notes.”

“I’m still angry at him,” she says. “But I’m worried too.”

“We all are,” says Kaldur seriously. “Conner and M’gann have tried to get in touch, Zatanna too. Barbara and Tim don’t speak of it but I believe they too have not heard anything.”

“He could call me,” she says, embarrassingly close to tears.

Kaldur takes another bite of pancake. “We must trust that he will reach out when he is ready.”

* * *

Shockingly, Roy is the one who insists that she begin training again.

“It'll only be harder if you wait,” he says curtly. “I know you’re going back. It’s who you are, nothing wrong with that.”

She gapes at him. She’s already been working on regaining her core strength and flexibility but she hasn’t picked up a bow in months. “You _want_ me to train?”

He nods and tosses her a tank top. “They’ll need an archer soon enough.”

“You’re retiring,” she says putting the pieces together as she shoos him out of the room so she can get dressed. 

“With Jade back in the business—” his voice catches but he pushes past it. “I can’t take the risk. Lian needs at least one parent who puts her first.”

“What are you going to do?” she opens the door again, workout gear on.

“Private security,” he says. “There’s no shortage of jobs. I thought—”

He stops short and she gestures for him to go on.

“There’s-business-classes-at-GU,” he says so quickly that it takes her a second to figure out what he said.

“You want to start your own company?” she asks.

He won’t look at her. “Yeah.”

“Sounds like a plan,” she says. “If running a business is anything like making me do housework, you’ll be great at it!”

“Spoiled brat,” he teases, holding the gym door open for her.

She walks over to where her bow hangs and steels herself to pick it up.

“I was thinking I’d change my name too,” he says, back still to her. “To— become my own man, so to speak.”

She’s honestly surprised he didn’t do it earlier given his identity issues. “Don’t tell me, you’re thinking Reginald!”

He gives her a look. “I was thinking Will, Will Harper.”

She picks up the bow. It fits in her hands like the missing piece of a puzzle. “I like it. Hey, Will?”

She catches his smile before he can hide it. “Yeah Artemis?”

“Thanks for everything.”

“Don’t get mushy on me now,” he says gently tugging her ponytail. Then, quieter, he adds, “You’re my sister twice over. I lost you once, before I had a chance to know you. I wasn’t going to lose you again.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artemis reconnects with old teammates, finds out something new about Kaldur, and tells Kaldur something new about herself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is probably the furthest I've ventured from canon so far but hey, we gotta do what we gotta do! Still could be canon-compliant in theory.
> 
> Warning for referenced homophobic environment (current environment is supportive)

The team’s new base looks nothing like Mount Justice. Artemis is grateful for this in a detached way because if she had to face those damn souvenirs she’d probably fall apart. On the other hand, the conspicuous differences keep reminding her that she— Tigress, same difference— is the reason they needed a new base in the first place. She’ll have to ask Kaldur if it bothers him.

“Artemis?”

She freezes. The point of coming to the base during a team-wide debrief was that she would be alone but Zatanna is standing at the end of the hall, in her familiar black and white costume.

“Zee,” she starts. Then she stops because she doesn’t know what to say next.

“It’s really you,” Zatanna says. For a second, she looks like she wants to cry but her face smooths over quickly. “I was starting to worry that I’d have to use a holo-projector to get you to girls night.”

Artemis huffs out a laugh. “You know me. Anything to avoid a pedicure.”

The tension breaks as Zatanna runs down the hall and pulls Artemis into a tight hug. Artemis hugs her back, careful to avoid the right shoulder where Zatanna's costume has been peeled back to reveal a raw-looking burn.

“That doesn’t look good,” Artemis notes.

“Friendly fire,” says Zatanna ruefully. “Literally in this case. We managed to rescue one of the meta-kids but his powers were out of control. I got off lightly. By the time we made it to safety, M’gann was so out of it, she could barely land the bioship.”

Artemis doesn’t miss the way Zatanna doesn’t mention the other kids. She gestures for her friend to sit down and grabs a first aid kit off the wall. Some things never change. “Is the kid at the Watchtower?”

Zatanna nods. “They’ve got him sedated but his powers are still going wild. We tried to find next-of-kin but he seems to be on his own.”

“Another runaway?” Artemis rips open a sterilization pad and slaps it on.

“The last record was from a foster family three years ago.” Zatanna’s voice wobbles a little. “Batman is trying to find a suitable home for him now.”

Artemis peels back the pad and frowns at the blood. “These traffickers are good.”

“Too good,” says Zatanna, hissing as Artemis applies pressure.

Satisfied that the bleeding has mostly stopped, Artemis replaces the pad with a hydro-gel bandage. “We’ll get them.”

Zatanna looks up hopefully, “We?”

Artemis looks away. “We.”

* * *

 

Visiting the base for first time breaks down the barrier. The second and third times are hard but not impossible. She stops counting after the eleventh.

No one bothers her when she trains. They just leave her to do her thing, which is fill target after target with arrows. Kaldur spars with her occasionally, but she gets the feeling he prefers training on his own or at Will’s. If she really wants a workout, she gets Conner to spar with her. They’ve finally reached the point where he barely pulls his punches. It’s exhilarating, knowing he could put her in the hospital and trusting him not to.

“So how’s M’gann?” she asks dodging a punch aimed for her midsection.

Conner grunts. “We’re not talking.”

“I’m aware.” M’gann had been on the verge of tears at Zee’s wine night, telling them that Conner hated her— and worse, feared her.

“She broke our trust, my trust. She changed my thoughts and ripped Kaldur apart.”

Conner’s kick feels like a truck hitting her forearm. “Kaldur broke your trust. I broke your trust.”

“Not like this.”

She can’t remember the last time she heard him shut down like this— with Luthor maybe. “Does she know? Have you talked at all?”

Conner’s punch misses her by almost a foot. “Can’t. It’s too much. I love her but I can trust her. I can’t trust myself around her.”

Artemis sweeps a foot under him and he crashes down onto the mat. She presses her advantage. “You need to talk. You both need closure, whatever that looks like for you. You can’t both be on the team with this between you.”

He shakes like a dog and sends her flying. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good, don’t be an idiot,” she chokes out, wheezing.

She gets an arm around his neck, but he grabs her hair and pulls until she drops the headlock. “Kaldur’s not good.”

“Hair should be off limits,” she grumbles. “Not good how?”

“Distant, unhappy,” Conner flips her over his shoulder and she coughs when she hits the ground. “He’s not talking to me.”

The smiles at him as she knees him between the legs. “You wouldn’t have noticed that a few years ago.”

“Fuck you,” he wheezes.

“That’s growth.” She straddles him. “I’ll talk to him.”

“You’ll talk to him?” Conner rolls until she’s face down with his knee in between her shoulder blades. “I remember when you’d rather punch your problems away.”

She snarls over-dramatically before giving in and tapping out. “Growing up sucks.”

* * *

 

She corners Kaldur in Will’s basement gym before class on Tuesday. He’s upside-down, arms straining to hold up his full body weight. The pose makes her ache for Dick.

“Artemis,” he says without faltering.

She walks over to the pull-up bar behind him. “Let’s talk.”

He says nothing.

“Do I need to invoke _timiotias_?” She jumps up and centers her grip on the bar.

“Is this a war?”

“Isn’t it?” She’s reminded of the many times they’ve had this conversation on Manta’s sub— how many times it was him asking her for complete honesty.

“Touché,” he allows. The word still sounds foreign in his mouth.

“I’ll start,” she does a single lazy pull up, then holds the next one until her arms begin to ache. “I found Wally’s sweater at my mom’s house last week and I felt like running away and never coming back.”

He shifts so that his weight is concentrated on one hand. “The team encountered Cheshire on the wrong side of a drug sting last week and I did not know how to tell Will, or you.”

She forces herself to lower down slowly. “I still don’t trust myself to train with the team.”

“My father was sighted in the Rhelasian Sea,” he very slowly lifts his right hand, so that he's balancing on his left.

She lets go of the bar, landing lightly. “I’m afraid I’m destined to follow in Jade’s footsteps.”

He lowers his legs to the ground, breathing hard and not looking at her. “I’m bi.”

She can’t help her instinctive intake of breath. Atlantis is conservative, even more so than the surface and she knows him. “I am glad that you shared this with me,” she says, her Atlantean awkwardly formal. She curses herself for not making him teach her more slang, or supportive friend sayings.

He glances up. She can see his hands shaking. “You are not mad that I kept this part of myself from everyone— from you?”

“Of course not.” She holds out her hand and he takes it. “I understand Kaldur. Maybe not everything. But— let’s just say that Cam isn’t my only ex with a criminal past. My ex-girlfriend has a cell in Belle Reve too. Typical villain kid shit. We were fifteen. I hated her, except it turns out I didn't. Then dad decided it was a distraction and she was in prison a week later. Sorry. The point is, you don’t own that information to anyone.”

He places his other hand over hers. “You have taught me so much Artemis, about heritage, honesty and strength. I am proud to call you sister of my heart." She wishes she could mimic his native accent in Atlantean, his poetry, the way that his words flow like the tide. 

“You can always talk to me, no strings.” She pulls him into a tight hug. After a beat, she smirks. “This is all a little intense for a Tuesday morning. I say we order takeout from the 24-hour diner with Will’s credit card. You in?”

Kaldur gestures for her to go first, one eyebrow raised imperiously. “You know I have your back.”


End file.
